RMRS: Start a Conversation with Anyone

This is a great video for anyone struggling with "breaking the ice". Some additional notes:

• When you learn a new skill - like riding a bike or skiing - it's best to "start small" and work your way up. When you crash, you only bruise instead of breaking things. The same is true for starting conversations. Small chat with the barista when you get coffee, or the waiter when you order at a restaurant. These people are a "captive audience" and they get paid to give good customer service. Even if you are very nervous, you are unlikely to get disastrous results.
• Have an exit strategy before you walk up to someone. If you already know how you're going to exit, you will be able to do away with 90% of your anxiety because you will not feel "trapped" in the conversation. If your palms start to get sweaty or things start to go sour, you can just jump for the exit.
• Know your "depth". If you're an urban dweller at an agriculture conference, don't try to strike up a conversation with someone as though you are a long-time farmer. And vice-versa. It's OK to be out of your depth - there is always far more you don't know than you do know, so being out of your depth is virtually guaranteed. The key is knowing when you're out of your depth and clearly signalling this to the other party. Otherwise, things can become awkward if the other party feels that you have misled them about who you are.
• Leverage your strengths. If you are good at telling jokes, use them as ice-breakers. Of course, make sure they're clean and safe for all audiences. Anything that can make you stand out (positively) in creating a first-impression is a strength. Use it.
• Let your weaknesses become your strengths. Perhaps you have a stutter. Perhaps you feel you have a small vocabulary or have a deformity or some other superficial flaw that is difficult to disguise or minimize in conversation. Rather than hoping this flaw or weakness does not become part of the conversation, make it safe for the other party for it to become part of the conversation. The tension in the conversation arises from the other party feeling that he or she will be rude to notice or acknowledge your flaw or weakness. Your flaw may be the very thing that makes you stand out in this person's memory as a remarkable contact. On the other hand, be careful not to push your weaknesses into a conversation where they do not belong.
• Track with the other party's "heaviness". Some people open up quickly and begin to share detailed personal information after a brief introduction. While you are not obligated to open up to them, they have signaled that it is OK for you to share more information with them or even to ask them personal questions. On the other hand, if they only want to chat about the weather and driving conditions, then make sure you keep it light and stay out of their personal life. If you are interested in asking them personal questions, try volunteering a little personal information about yourself and wait to see if they reciprocate. If they do, it may be OK to ask them some personal questions. But be careful not to be overly calculated in your approach; your facial expressions, tone-of-voice and body language betray more about your true motives than you realize.
• Get them to tell their story. People love to tell their story and when the other party starts to do this, it is a sign that you have "opened" them, that is, that they feel safe and comfortable having a conversation with you. Don't be closed, this is not war; let yourself be opened, as well, if it feels right. When you're both being open with one another, this is when the conversation has reached an ideal state for talking about "next steps" - for example, a business card, a follow-up meeting or phone-call, or a date.

Remember, these tips are just for starting a conversation. The art of conversation is deep. Learning to read people and understanding why they are saying what they are saying (or, even more importantly, what they are not saying) requires lots of practice. If you're uncomfortable with talking to strangers, first get comfortable striking up a conversation and engaging in chit-chat. After you are comfortable with this, move on to more complex conversation skills. This will help you minimize the amount of crashing and bruising you get along the way as you learn the art of conversation.